I’ve been half seriously talking about having one more to my husband for a good few months now. He’s not entertaining me one bit. Once I mentioned the word one more I could almost see him dialling the taxi and book an appointment for a certain operation… But I’m broody and I can’t believe it. I can so vividly remember crying in my bed in the middle of the night, exhausted trying to get my youngest to fall asleep. Or crying in our sitting room in the middle of the day, just for some reason… I remember it like yesterday, how hard it was to get breastfeeding established. Both times. It took weeks and weeks of hard work, sore nipples, and lots of tears. I remember, quite clearly, how exhausting it was to have a newborn and a toddler. The summer Missy Messer was born, his brother turned two and I learned I knew nothing about being tired… But there must have been something good in those months of exhaustion if I’m broody again! Then I saw The Busy Mama’s linky and it got me thinking about this.
|Mr Messer still in the hospital|
There are a couple of things that I really miss from those days, apart from the first smiles and other milestones that melted my heart. As hard as it was at the beginning and as incredible as it sounds, I actually do miss breastfeeding now… I miss the closeness and the connection you have with your baby when you’re breastfeeding. Had someone said this to me during the first couple of weeks I was trying to breastfeed my firstborn, I probably would have punched them! I remember a phone call to my sister in Finland during those weeks, it went something like this:
Me (sounding extremely desperate): This breastfeeding malarky, who the h*ll said it’s so convenient, or even lovely?! It’s not working, he’s on the boob all-the-bleeping-time. They had the b*lls to say something about not letting him go over 3 hours between feeds in the hospital… I’d jump out of joy if he went even half an hour between feeds!!
My sister: Honey, I know – it’s madness at the start. You feel like a cow and it most definitely is not lovely! I know exactly how you feel, and I know you will find it difficult to believe me when I say this, but it does get easier, just hang in there a few more days…
|Missy Messer 4 weeks|
At that point, I was at the verge of giving up completely. But those words from my sister made such a difference, I kept thinking about her cow reference, chuckled every time, and somehow that carried me through and it did get easier… The second time around it was still tough at the beginning, but at least I was expecting it. I also knew if I get past those couple of weeks, it will be easy again. I decided that for the first two weeks or so, I can just lie in bed feeding my baby and eat. I don’t need to bother getting up as I’ll be feeding her most of the day anyway! Just go downstairs to grab some food and water every once in a while, otherwise stay in bed. And that’s pretty much what I did for the first couple of weeks.
|Mr Messer cuddling his little sister|
And now, after it’s all finished I so miss those cuddly moments with my tiny babies. The hungry sounds, tiny mouths trying to find the source of milk, their wrinkly hands grabbing my finger as they fed, and the happy burps after the feeding session, bellies full sniffling against my shoulder. I can’t believe it’s all done and dusted!!
|Mr Messer chilling on mummy’s shoulder|
The other thing I really miss is co-sleeping. Mr Messer never really slept in our bed, but Missy Messer did for the first four months, or thereabouts. It was so much easier with the night feeds. I used to feed her lying on my side so I was napping while she fed and then she would just fall asleep (unless she needed help getting some wind up!). And I loved it. I would still love to climb in the bed next to them, but they’re in their own beds now and unfortunately mummy is a bit too big… I do bring them in our bed if they’re sick and need extra cuddles, but our bed has become the fun place and generally when the kids climb in, there’s no sleeping!
|Mummy and daddy’s bed is not for sleeping in anymore…|
Time flies and it’s so true. The last four years have gone by so quickly and I have no doubt that the next four will be just as quick. I have noticed I use too much sentences such as “when the kids are older, I will…”. It’s busy with the small ones and sometimes it’s hard going with them, but I really need to start living more in the moment. Before I know it, those moments are gone and they’re all grown up!