Sweetie, how about another little baby?
An innocent question that causes all colour to drain from his face, a barely noticeable nanosecond of panic to flash in his eyes as he tries to gain composure.
You’re not serious, are you…?
No, I wasn’t fully serious when I mentioned the dreaded number three last weekend but it certainly seems we’re done with babies! We’ve had the discussion before and about six months ago I would most definitely have gone for one more. Daddy Messer wasn’t taking the bait though and I had time to think about it more. I must admit that I’m enjoying the freedom of slightly more independent kids, not having to do absolutely everything for them, being able to eat my dinner hot and sleep through the night (well, most nights anyway). Being able to leave them in the playroom to play while I go and have a shower, cook dinner, or just have a cup of coffee! On the other hand, there are too many friends pregnant or with squishy newborns around me that are pulling my not-so-rational self into thinking ooh look how cute, wouldn’t it be just lovely to have one more cutiepie to cuddle.
So how do you know when you’re done? I’ve heard all the rational arguments from my dear husband against the idea of number three. The cost of having another child, not only now but also when it comes to going to college! I would make jokes about the reason why I speak to my kids in Finnish being that they can go to University in Finland (it’s free, for now at least!)… Not that it’s overly expensive in Ireland either (compared to some other countries that is), but it does start adding up when you have a few of them going around the same time! I recently had a chat with a few parents who have kids going to college and both of them had a child also going to the US or Canada (one of them only for a year, the other one doing a full degree!). That was costing them another 10k+/year in college fees alone, not to mention that they probably need a roof over their heads and some grub in their bellies too. And then getting to do it for another few of them?!
Then there is that lack of sleep for another couple of years. And going through the terrible twos and threenage years for the third time… Do I really want to go through that again? I’m already wondering how things will work out with both parents working, school runs, future hobbies that there no doubt will be – what would that be like with one more thrown in the mix for good measure?
On the other hand, you can’t measure it in money, the joy and happiness a child brings is something much more. I know my two monkeys would absolutely love to have a little sister or brother. Anytime they see one of my friends’ babies, they are all over them giving cuddles and minding the baby. I would love to be pregnant again! Yes, I did have two very easy pregnancies… But who’s to say this time would be as easy? We have two healthy and happy kids and I already feel like I’m not always spending as much time with them as I wanted to – why would I want to add in another one?
How do you know when you’re done? Would you have one more? How did you decide?